can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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