Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
