You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
