Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
