You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I cut my penus on the lid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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