HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
