And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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