God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
