is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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