Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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