There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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