that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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