I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
