His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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