Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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