i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
