Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
