The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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