Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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