Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
