she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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