Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
