and she was petting her beer can
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
