Where is the hickey?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
