I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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