I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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