My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
