So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
