i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
