PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
