so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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