honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
