K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
