Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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