i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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