We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
