So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
