guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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