i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
