my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
