last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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