she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
