so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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