loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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