thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
