Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
