That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am one with the molecules
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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