so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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