I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
