I hate your face
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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