she was so not down for the gang bang
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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