Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
