hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
