you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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