I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
