i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
