is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
