dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Found your dick twin last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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