Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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