Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
